So, despite the cold, windy night we went to cheer on Rhema’s cousin Andrew during his baseball game. We wrapped Rhema up and there we sat with her among all the cheering family and friends. I had some initial concerns taking Rhema to the game since she cries when in a loud environment, but we wanted to give it a try. It was a wonderful experience for about 15 minutes. Rhema and I talked about the baseball and watched all the batters and the players throwing the balls. We even got to see Andrew hit a ball and make it all the way around the bases! Yea Andrew!
However, there are some days that I feel like I’ve totally failed at being a good momma and this was one of those days. Like I said, Rhema did okay for about 15 minutes and then she began to cry every time someone cheered or yelled. I cuddled her or Papa would cuddle her and she would stop crying. However as soon as the next time folks would cheer she begin to cry again. The worst part was there was a group of folks nearby who was watching Rhema quietly cry, one of them asked (with her face in a scowl) “whats wrong with her.” As I say the “lady’s” face was more in a disapproving scowl than a compassionate curiosity, I chose to ignore her and consoled Rhema. I listened to my mom attempting to answer this disapproving lady and I just stayed focused on Rhema, trying to determine if we needed to leave. It was on the third time she began to cry I decided we were getting the heck out of there. I glanced up toward the scowling lady and wanted to answer her question in a way that would have blasted her and make her ashamed to even look at Rhema in the way she did. But I just decided to hold my tongue and got my baby out of there. I regret not saying something to the lady, but I’ve had to just forgive her and let it go….
Rhema cried the whole way home and continued to cry for about 20 minutes after we got home. All of the articles I’d recently read about Hydrocephalus headaches rushed back into my mind and I realized that all the loud noise had given my precious girl a horrible pressure headache. I felt awful and just cried along with her silently as I snuggled her. UGH! I hate failing Rhema! I should have gotten her out of there sooner and I should have had a stern, yet informative response to that scowling lady. Given the opportunity again, I would have removed Rhema earlier away from the crowd, at least, and would have responded to the scowling lady with something like this: “She’s crying because she’s had three brain operations in the three years she’s alive on this earth….. Loud noises cause her pain and that is why I’m moving her….. ” Then I’d watch for her facial expressions. If it changed and showed some understanding or compassion, I would have just smiled at her kindly and move on. If her face stayed in a scowl or she said something else stupid, we would have had a “come-to-Jesus” discussion about having manners and showing compassion. LOL! She would have gotten an “education” she would not soon forget. LOL!
Anyway, I wanted to post about this because I know there are momma’s of children who have special needs who read our little blog. We all have moments when we fail, ladies, and yes, it’s very upsetting, but we must learn from our mistakes and we are better prepared for the next time. A long time ago we said we would post our ups and downs; this was a down day. Thank goodness there’s forgiveness and grace! I’ve forgiven myself for missing it, forgiven the scowling lady and apologized to Rhema. Praise God His Mercy is new every morning and each day is new, with no mistakes in it. Amen!